Education Standards

Introduction to Healthy Relationships, 9-12 Lesson 1

Introduction to Healthy Relationships, 9-12 Lesson 1

Overview

This lesson details the basics of healthy relationships: what they are and how to recognize them. It also covers consent, boundaries, power dynamics, red flags, and characteristics of different kinds of relationships. Students will engage in discussions and activities in which they will identify characteristics and assess the health of relationships in brief scenarios.

Introduction to Healthy Relationships - 9-12, Lesson 1

Information & Resources for Educators

Information for Educators

 

Information for virtual adaptation:

This lesson was written to be delivered in an in-person environment. If it is used in a virtual learning environment, we recommend delivering it synchronously to promote discussion and interaction between students. For the Barriers Discussion, we recommend using a virtual flip-chart like program such as Google Jamboard or Ideaboardz.

 

More information and resources for students:

 

Direct students to these reliable resources to get any further questions answered:

 

Direct students to these reliable websites for further learning:

  • The Planned Parenthood Federation of America Education website offers some helpful insight into sexuality, consent, going to the doctor, and relationship. This is a great place to start if you’re looking for a website that offers answers to your general questions about sexuality!
  • Bedsider is an online birth control support network for young people operated by Power to Decide, the campaign to prevent unplanned pregnancy. Bedsider publishes articles and provides information on where to access birth control, working to ensure that every young person has the power to decide if, when, and under what circumstances to get pregnant.
  • Sex, Etc. is a website, magazine, and newsletter produced for teens by teens. Writers take on different angles of preventing pregnancy, disease transmission, getting and giving consent, and healthy relationships.
  • Scarleteen describes itself as sex education for the real world. They’ve been providing information regarding sexuality, sexual health, and relationships since 1998 through blog posts, messaging boards, and text/chat services. If you’re looking for in-depth information regarding a specific topic, Scarleteen probably has an article about it!
  • That’s Not Cool is a national public education initiative that partners with young people to help raise awareness and bring educational and organizing tools to communities to address dating violence, unhealthy relationships, and digital abuse. Visit their website to get more information about what constitutes dating violence and to get involved!
  • Love is Respect is a project of the National Domestic Violence Hotline and the ultimate resource to empower youth to prevent and end dating abuse. Their purpose is to engage, educate, and empower young people to prevent and end abusive relationships. They offer support, information, and advocacy opportunities to young people looking to get involved. They also have free and confidential phone, live chat, and texting services available.
  • RAINN is the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization. RAINN created and operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline in partnership with local sexual assault service providers across the country. They also have programs available to prevent sexual violence, protect survivor healing, and ensure that perpetrators are brought to justice.
  • The Trevor Project is the leading national organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to LGBTQ+ young people under 25 years old. They offer crisis interventions, suicide prevention training and resources, and community services.

A note on classroom discussion

 

For discussion questions, we recommend prompting students to take 30 seconds-2 minutes to discuss the question with the person/people sitting next to them before asking a couple of students/groups to share. The “answers” to the discussion questions are formatted in italics; this content should be covered at some point, whether by students or by educators adding on to student contributions and filling in the gaps.

 

This lesson is designed to be interactive, and ideally students should be actively engaging in discussion and activities. However, we recognize that this content can be difficult, especially for students who may have personal experience with relationship abuse, familial abuse, or sexual violence. For this reason, educators should avoid cold-calling students unless you hear them making good points and speaking comfortably during discussion with their peers. We also recommend relaxing policies for leaving the classroom to allow students to take a break and return if they are feeling triggered without having to ask permission/explain themselves.

 

 

Resource Type with Links & Materials

Website Links

 PPFA Fries Model

Educator Materials

 Slideshow Presentation

 Card Sorting Activity  - one set of cards, and one set of category cards/small group

 Resource Page

Student Materials Writing utensil, paper for writing exercise

 

Lesson Overview

Before the Lesson

Before the lesson, the instructor should:

 

  1. Set Group Agreements:

 

Group Agreements are a foundational element to all Comprehensive Sexuality Education programs and classes. These are agreements created and agreed upon by students to foster comfortable and safer spaces for learning and growth. We encourage instructors to begin all sexual health sections by setting Group Agreements with their students. We highly recommend doing this in a synchronous setting if possible. Once completed, these agreements can be posted publicly for future reference and accountability during lessons.  

 

Group Agreements may vary from class to class and may look different depending on the age of students. All agreements should reflect the needs of the students in the classroom. Some Group Agreements we recommend for high school students are:

 

  • ​​Respect. It is normal and valid for students to have different values, beliefs, and life experiences related to sexuality. Encourage respect between students in regard to these topics. Allow students to decide what respect looks like and sounds like in their classroom.  
  • Confidentiality. Sexual health is a deeply personal subject. Ensure all students agree not to share any personal information learned in discussions with people outside the classroom. Instructors should also explain their role as Mandatory Reporters, if applicable.
  • Ask Questions. Encourage questions! Please refer to the “Prepare for Questions” section below for more details.
  • Be Open to Learning. Encourage students to keep an open mind and be willing to learn from their peers.

 

Prepare for Questions:  Answering questions is a crucial aspect of comprehensive sexuality education facilitation, and can also be one of the most challenging. For more information on how to answer questions, please read through The FLASH Curriculum Guide to Answering Student’s Questions. We recommend ending each class with an opportunity for students to submit questions anonymously. See instructions below for in-person or virtual facilitation.

In person: the Instructor should hand out identical pieces of paper to each student at the end of the lesson, then say, “Please take five minutes to write down any questions you have from our lesson today. This will be anonymous and I will answer these questions aloud in our next class.” We recommend asking all students to write something on the paper regardless of if they have questions to increase anonymity. The instructor can ask students who do not have questions to draw a picture or answer another prepared question, such as: “What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?”

Virtual. If teaching virtually, we recommend facilitating this portion using a Google Form in lieu of a question box.

 Assess prior learning: Students should already have a foundational understanding of sexuality prior to this lesson, we recommend teaching this lesson after lessons about sexuality/sexual orientation/gender identity. Performance Indicators that should be addressed prior to this lesson include:

 

HE.1.12.24 Express that everyone has the right to say who touches their body and how.  

 

HE.1.12.25 Express that it is never ok to touch someone, or make someone touch you if they don't want to.

 

HE.1.12.28 Define sexual consent and explain its implications for sexual decision making.

 

HE.1.12.36 Define affirmative consent as a freely given enthusiastic yes.

 

HE.2.12.18 Analyze factors that can affect the ability to give or perceive the provision of consent to sexual activity.

 

Prepare lesson-specific materials: Print out cards for card-sorting activity and cut out, if teaching in-person. Prepare a Jamboard, if teaching virtually.

 

Provide content warning: Content warning and welcome for students to step out as needed, acknowledge that many people have experienced trauma related to this content and while this lesson tries to avoid particularly triggering descriptions of violence, some students may be unable to participate in some sections and that is totally fine.

 Remind students of your obligation to report: Sexuality and sexual health topics may lead to student disclosures that could require mandatory reporting. In order to hold a trauma-informed space and promote student autonomy and agency, we recommend reminding students of your role as a mandatory reporter before any sexual health-related lesson. This disclosure could sound like:

“Our content today may bring up experiences for some of you that may be difficult or challenging. I want to remind each of you that while I want this to be a space where we can have open and honest discussions, I do have limitations on my ability to keep your information private and confidential. I am a mandatory reporter, which means that if anyone shares with me that they now or ever have hurt themselves or someone else, or that someone has hurt them, I may not be able to keep that private. It is my job to keep all of you safe, and so it is important that you understand that. What questions do you all have about that?”

During the Lesson                                                                

Step 1: Introduction  |  5 minutes

Slide 1: Title Slide

Slide 2: Explain to students that the topic of the day is healthy relationships. Ask- “What does it mean for a relationship to be healthy? What distinguishes a healthy relationship?” Solicit a few answers from the group.

Next, let students know that we will be focusing on romantic and sexual relationships, but most of these concepts and traits apply to platonic friendships and familial relationships as well. Most dynamics in romantic and sexual relationships are present in platonic relationships as well, the only exceptions being around sexual activities and some additional boundaries. The choice to focus on romantic and sexual relationships was informed by the high rates of abusive romantic relationships for teens, the higher likelihood of harm within romantic/sexual relationships, and the broad applicability of this discussion. With that being said, we recognize how common and harmful abusive platonic relationships can beare, as well as the validity of these relationships and this harm. All students should be considering how all dynamics discussed might show up in different kinds of relationships. When we say relationship through this lesson, we mean ALL kinds of relationships, not just romantic or sexual relationships. If we mean romantic or sexual relationships, we will say that or say that people in a scenario are dating or having sexual contact. 

Slide 3:  Explain the objectives and enduring understanding for this lesson.

Slide 4: Group Agreements: Explain that this can be a sensitive subject and that there are many different thoughts and feelings about this topic, so it’s important that everyone feel safe and comfortable in the class. Explain that these are foundational, agreed upon values that carry throughout the classroom discussion and create a space where students and their identities are respected and respectful. Therefore, we need to all agree to the group agreements provided in the “Before this Lesson” section above. Allow students to voice any additional needs/agreements they would like to be included.

Step 2: Consent & Healthy Relationships Introduction  |  30 minutes

 

Slide 5: Provide a brief definition of consent utilizing the FRIES model (provided by PPFA, in educator materials).

Discussion Question - Ask- “Why is consent fundamental for healthy relationships?” Solicit answers from the group.

Transition to next slide by stating: “Consent can help to make relationships feel safe, open, and healthy! Honest communication — both verbal and nonverbal — leads to each partner knowing their own and their partner’s boundaries, and it shows mutual respect and care for each other. Consent isn’t just sexual either, it is relevant throughout all kinds of relationships as all people involved communicate what they’re comfortable with.”

Slide 6: Define boundaries as the limits of our comfort zone, the line where we go from comfortable to uncomfortable, or just things we are uncomfortable with. Explain that boundaries can change over time for a variety of reasons, and that doesn’t make them more or less valid. Communicating boundaries is never a bad thing (provided that it is done respectfully).

Ask- “What are some examples of boundaries a person might have in a relationship?” Solicit answers from the group.  (Depending on time constraints, this can be run as a discussion question or educators can just run through the list provided on the slide.) Some examples include:

  • Language that makes you uncomfortable
  • A body part or area you don’t like being touched
  • A sex act you are not comfortable with.

Slide 7: Healthy Relationships writing exercise: Ask students to prepare for a writing exercise. Prompt “what do healthy relationships feel like? Think of a person with whom you are close (it can be platonic or romantic/sexual) and have a positive relationship. Brainstorm in your notebook a few words or phrases that describe how you feel when you are around that person.” Educators can model an example, such as “When I am with my parents, I feel safe and at ease.” After 3 minutes, ask for a few people to share. Some examples of feelings may include. Transition to the next slide by saying “While you should respect people's boundaries, it shouldn’t feel like you have to lie, hide things, or walk on eggshells to be around them. You should be able to be authentically you around this person.”

Slide 8: Defining Unhealthy and Abusive Relationships

Explain that unhealthy relationships can cause people to feel uncomfortable and unhappy. They are not always one person’s fault and don’t always mean someone is a bad person.

Next, explain that abuse is cruel or violent treatment, especially regular or repeated, that has the potential to cause trauma or lasting harm. The difference between unhealthy and abusive relationships can be hard to distinguish, and in many cases the difference can only be determined by the person in the relationship. Abuse can be emotional, verbal, physical, sexual, and/or financial. Experiencing abuse is common and can affect people in many different, valid ways. Transition by stating that students will have an opportunity to explore (and be assessed on) these concepts with an activity.

Step 3: Card Sorting Activity  (If teaching virtually, transfer activity to Jamboard) | 15 minutes

Slide 9: Explain that students will be divided into small groups and they receive cards with different behaviors on them. They will have five minutes to sort cards with red flags and characteristics of relationships into categories that reflect what the appropriate response would be if that thing were to come up in a relationship.

Divide students into groups and give each group 5 cards, then give five minutes for students to sort the cards into Exit the relationship, Discuss the concern with the other person, or No action is needed!

Answer key:

Exit the relationship

Feeling unsafe around your partner, emotional manipulation, coercion, threats, intimidation, blaming, violating boundaries and consent, and sexual or physical violence, feeling consistently uncomfortable around your partner

Discuss the concern with the other person

Excessive jealousy, lying, guilt-tripping, keeping score, possessiveness, unrealistic expectations, pushing boundaries, lack of open communication, insults, fighting, feeling hurt by your partner

 

No action is needed :)

Feeling comfortable, feeling safe, mutual care, affirmative consent, open communication, talking about boundaries

Debrief: Go around the room and have students read the cards and share where they sorted them (educators can also have students post their cards in a public place like on a white board, flip chart paper, or Google Jamboard). After each group reads their answers, ask the class “What thoughts do folks have? Would you have sorted any of the cards differently?” Allow students to comment or ask questions. Educators can prompt to hear more about a group's conversation if there is a card they are concerned about. Transition by stating that some of these red flags on their own don’t necessarily make a relationship unhealthy, but should be addressed and can sometimes reveal a larger issue.

How might you bring up a conversation with your partner if a scenario in the discussion category comes up? If you find it helpful, you can answer for a specific card.

Step 4: Scenario Activity   |  15 minutes

Slide 10: Explain that scenarios will be projected on the screen and can be read aloud. Then, students will decide if they think the scenario is a healthy or unhealthy relationship. This can be facilitated by having students raise their hands if they think it is healthy, or can be facilitated as a spectrum- having students line up across a spectrum from “Unhealthy to Abusive” somewhere in the classroom. After students make their decision, ask for some volunteers to share and ask students what behaviors they identify in the scenario from earlier in the lesson.

Slide 11: Rebecca’s boyfriend, Ron, is always showing up to her soccer practices after school, wants to eat lunch together every day, and is constantly demanding that she spend more time with him. When she says no, he makes her feel guilty for not giving him enough attention.

Unhealthy relationship — Mention boundaries and the importance of respecting them.

Slide 12: Emily and Brandon have been dating for a few months. When they are hanging out, Emily frequently goes on Brandon’s phone and clears his notifications while he is in the bathroom so he will pay more attention to her. Brandon wonders why his friends haven’t texted him and asks Emily if she noticed any texts or went on his phone. She says no, and Brandon feels increasingly confused and isn’t sure what is going on, but wonders if Emily is lying or if his friends are mad at him.

Unhealthy, Emily’s behavior is an example of gaslighting. Gaslighting, a common behavior and/or abuse tactic in unhealthy and abusive relationships, is when a person is manipulated into questioning their own perceptions and sense of reality. The term gets its name from the 1920s play Gaslight, in which a husband turns the lights on and off repeatedly, but denies doing so to make his wife lose sight of her reality and disbelieve her memory and perceptions. Additionally, going on your partner’s phone without permission is a significant privacy violation.

Slide 13: Nick and Deb are close friends. Frequently, when Deb makes plans to hang out with their friends independently, Nick will object and say that Deb should just hang out with him instead. While Deb is hanging out with their friends, Nick will text them, suggesting that they come hang out with him instead.

Jealousy and impeding your friends independence/autonomy are common in unhealthy relationships.

Slide 14: Diego and Adam have been dating for two weeks. Diego really likes Adam, but he gets uncomfortable when Adam kisses him or does other intimate things in public. He asks if Adam can tone it down a little when they are around other people, and Adam agrees. In the next few weeks after the conversation, Diego notices that Adam has only kissed him in public a couple times and asked before doing it.

Respecting boundaries is important, as is effective communication. Your partner should listen to you when you assert a boundary or express an issue. 

Slide 15: Jill and Amanda have been dating for a few months when Amanda proposes that they send each other sexually explicit photos. Jill agrees, but when Amanda starts frequently sending these photos without checking in first, Jill feels uncomfortable.

As FRIES mentions, consent is specific and reversible. It is important for there to be consent each time a sexual exchange occurs. This isn’t necessarily an unhealthy relationship based on the information provided, but if Jill brings it up and Amanda doesn’t change her behavior, it is likely to become unhealthy.

Step 5: Closing Questions | 5 minutes

Slide 16: What are some examples of relationships in the media or that you see in your life (family, friends, etc.) that are healthy or unhealthy?

Slide 17: How do you resolve/get out of an unhealthy or abusive relationship?

After the Lesson

Information about how to deliver this lesson virtually is detailed in the Information for Educators section.

If educators wish to test students on this content, we recommend creating test/quiz questions by adapting discussion questions, having students define healthy or unhealthy relationships, list red flags or characteristics, define how one should feel in a healthy relationship, and/or adapting short scenarios. These questions shouldn’t be exactly the same as questions and activities within the lesson, but educators can use the answers provided throughout the lesson to craft an answer key as well as questions. It is also worth noting that there is a lot of room for personal values and perspective when assessing the health of relationships, so as long as students are demonstrating that they are engaging with this content and thinking critically about healthy relationships, there is room for students to disagree in many of these discussions.

Educators can also assess student performance while delivering the lesson by watching for participation, critical approaches as students examine the health of relationships, and for students to be considering how their values affect what they want and deserve in relationships. The card sort activity and writing exercise are great times to evaluate student proficiency on this topic.

If students are absent, we recommend having them review the slides independently and complete the activities throughout the lesson. Depending on student capacity, internet access, etc., the workload can be adjusted and activities could be modified.

The presentation and resource sheet contain so much of the lesson content explicitly to ensure accessibility to all learners and ensure that absent students are still able to access this important information.

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Cards for Sorting Activity

 

You feel unsafe around your partner.

Your partner is always pressuring you into doing things you don’t want to do.

You feel constantly uncomfortable around your partner.

Your partner hits you, hurts you, or touches you when you do not want to be touched.

Your partner threatens you.

Your partner blames you for things that you can’t control.

Your partner often violates your boundaries or consent.

You sometimes feel afraid of your partner or what they will do.

Your partner often lies to you.

Your partner is jealous or possessive.

Your partner makes you feel guilty.

Your partner keeps score.

Your partner has unrealistic expectations of you or of the relationship.

Your partner sometimes pushes your boundaries.

You and your partner don’t communicate often or owell. You have frequent misunderstandings.

You sometimes get into fights with your partner.

Your partner insults you or says hurtful things.

You sometimes feel uncomfortable around your partner.

You feel comfortable around your partner.

You trust your partner.

Your partner cares about you, and you care about them.

You feel safe around your partner.

You and your partner always ask for consent.

You talk openly with your partner about things that are important to you.

You discuss your boundaries with your partner.

Your partner respects your boundaries.

 

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Category Cards

 

 

LEAVE

 

 

TALK

Information for Educators

NO ACTION NEEDED